Pre Fling block thoughts

 Sunday 20th April 2025 - 09:02

This is something I've thought about for a while. Using this blog space to record how the training is going for my own reflection at the end of each week. Why make it public?

I really enjoy James Stewart's blog when he documents training as it's an insight how someone else trains. Not the way I would train but it's like a story I guess. I asked James if he felt this benefitted him personally sharing his story with others. "By making it public it gives accountability but you have to decide within if this will benefit or hinder you personally". It's a great response for me as I feel by doing this it will force me to sit on a Sunday at some point and reflect on how the running week has went. Who knows, I may even start on a personal journal separately.

The reason for today's post? I don't feel good about myself at all right now. My fitness has tanked and my love for it isn't far behind it. I don't feel confident at all in my ability and the thought of going to do a 10km loop up Conic hill (I want to), I have mixed thoughts:

Loads needs doing in the house

I can't leave the girls I'm neglecting them by going out for a few hours

The food shop needs done

You can't advertise that as a trail run on Strava - it's too slow and people will think you're shit

Getting there, can I spare the fuel? Payday feels like ages away

I rarely used to have these thoughts for past events and training. I am also aware that when I was consistently training it kept my anxiety to a minimum (not gone totally but I had a better mindset to reason with myself). I looked at my own Strava last night and cried. The thought is even making me emotional right now. I have logged NOTHING. It's not even anything kept private either, I've done nothing. Not even yoga.

I said to my husband last night I haven't ever felt this down about my running since starting in 2021. All I can put it down to is having an enormous life change back in December sprinkled with another module towards a masters degree. I've went from being very comfortable in a job for 15 years part time for a large portion of that, to a new environment, full time and leading a team professionally for the first time in my career. It's come with a huge amount of responsibility and I don't want to fuck it up. Having to forge new relationships with a new team and being a massive people pleaser has been mentally draining too. I'm very conscious I have an outgoing personality and to keep things to a minimum while people get to know me has been a new skill I've developed. I hope anyway. They seem to like me and I'm doing an OK job so far so that's sorted and settling down now. The uni module is drawing to a close as well. 1st draft is handed in so it's just tidying up to do and catch anything silly that could lose me marks. I've worked hard on that so it should pass.

It looks like the block will be starting at the perfect time. A week tomorrow (28th April) that's my new focus. Along with volunteering at the devil next weekend I'm hoping it reignites my spark for running. If not, I'm getting back on it anyway. No excuses. I need to haul ass out of this hole that feels enormous but I'll get there. I'm putting things in place right now to give me a great chance for enjoying the event and not feeling like I want the ground to swallow me up at the start line the way I did for the devil.

When I exercise I feel better. When I feel better I am a better person for myself and the family. The negative thoughts above will be getting put right as I know they're irrational.

Until next week, I'm hoping the blog will be much more positive. Thanks for reading.